TO those who would like to know, the snake report goes something like this. Actually, 50% of this version is added in. The original version is boring and factual.

To: Mr Kentucky Khoo
The Principal

My sincerest apologies for the attack of our dear school gardener, Uncle Sweetie Pink, who was attacked by a snake on (i forgot the date and time)

My friend Julie and I were in the carpark walking towards the school gate at 0745 hours when we saw a red-orange-black-pink and green snake in the school grounds. It looked poisonous to me. I had wanted to report the matter to the principal but Julie BLATANTLY refused to, as she did not want anyone to know that we've been here when we're not supposed to be here. Thus we took matters into our own hands, using a stick that was lying around to push the red, orange, black, pink and green snake into a bucket lying around. We decided to show it to the gardener so that he could take care of it.

When Uncle Pink saw that we had his cheap bucket, he accused us of stealing it and demanded to have it back. We tried to explain matters to him but he simply refuses to accept the fact that there was a dirty snake in his nice clean bucket. He snatched his bucket back. This aggravated the snake. It twisted around to face its attacker, hissed angrily, and sank it's sharp, white, deadly poisonous fangs into his healthy pink flesh. He gave out a cry of intense pain and ran amok, stepping on the snake and embeading it into the ground as he did so. The snake gave its last angry hiss and died. Meanwhile, Uncle Pink was still running amok. Another servant had been watching from a distance for some time and she felt that it was now the right time to intervene (i just added it in here, hee hee) She managed to bring Uncle Pink back to his senses, after which he promptly fainted. She whipped out her handphone and called the ambulance, police and principal, and her mum and friends. The ambulance came promptly after 1 hour and hurled the unconcious Uncle Pink into the ambulance.

We had heard that Uncle Pink was now in the intensive care unit and regrets to say that we would not be able to afford his funeral if he dies. We were very sorry however, and desires to visit him in hospital to apologise to him personally. Thus we would need the name of the hospital he's in and his ward. Thank you.

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The end!!!! Mrs Lam gave us 17 out of 20 for this essay. Could you believe it? ANd plus the way i read it and the actions i added in... everyone laughed. It was a bit lame, anyway.